


Things Once Remembered

by monotropauniflora



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, F/M, Pining, Some fluff sometimes maybe, soft angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-15 21:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11814153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monotropauniflora/pseuds/monotropauniflora
Summary: Jyn, Cassian, and Kay survive Scarif, but Cassian seems to have forgotten everything except for his own name.





	1. A Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> This is clearly not an accurate depiction of amnesia. If you want to know more about the many ways amnesia can present itself, the mayo clinic has some information available. Wikipedia also has a lot of information for this.

_The wind lashed at them, carrying sand and water that threatened to rip apart their embrace._

_Cassian noticed it first._

_“Look!” he shouted in her ear, struggling to be heard over the destruction._

_Jyn whipped her head around, spotting an Imperial Shuttle landing close behind them. The ramp lowered, inviting the pair aboard. Bracing against one another, the pair stumbled towards it._

_“I am slowing you down!” Cassian shouted, attempting to break away. Jyn simply gritted her teeth and grabbed him tighter, dragging him.  
The ramp began to raise the moment the moment their feet clambered aboard._

_“It took the two of you long enough!” The chiding voice of an imperial droid called back to them from the cockpit._

_“Kay?” Cassian asked, confusion twisting his features._

_Another shockwave hit the ship then. Jyn grabbed at the wall to stay upright, but Cassian was sent tumbling across the floor._

_The last thing he heard was Jyn screaming his name._

Jyn refused to leave Cassian’s side. She ignored the bed and the chair that had been offered, choosing instead to wait on the floor next to his bed. She felt closer to him with her body leaning against the bedframe, clutching at his arm. He looked so still. Old bruises mottled his arms and, though she could not see it, his torso. Jyn’s throat felt sore from holding back unshed tears. The sight of him so still haunted her vision, even when she closed her eyes. The med droids worked around her, checking vitals and charts. The bacta tank had done all it could do. It was up to Cassian’s body to do the rest. 

It felt silly, just holding his arm. But she could not bring herself to let go, not even for a moment if she could help it. The warnings that he may never wake up fell on deaf ears. Cassian Andor would wake up, and Jyn was going to be there when that happened. Then she could shove it in that med droid’s stupid face. His chest rose and fell so delicately and so slowly that it was almost imperceptible, but Jyn watched for that simple motion as though her life depended on it.

In a way, it did. Somehow, her fate became inextricably tangled with that of Cassian. He stood with her when no one else would listen. He fought with her in a way nobody else ever had. It had been so long since she felt like she belonged anywhere that she never would have imagined this man—this spy—would feel more like home to her than any actual place since Lah’mu. 

“Jyn Erso. I am to inform you—once more—that a bed can be made available to you if you continue to insist upon staying here.” The droid’s tone was neutral. Jyn ignored it.

“I will let you know if Jyn Erso requires any further assistance,” replied the shiny new chassis that housed K-2SO’s programming. The tall droid, like Jyn, refused to leave Cassian’s side. He claimed that his reasoning was that his reprogramming recognized Cassian as holding primary command over his actions. He stated that, while Cassian was alive, he was required to ensure his safety. Given his propensity for making autonomous decisions, Jyn questioned the validity of that statement. Whatever Kay’s reasons, she was grateful for his presence, though would never admit to it.

Cassian felt pain. It was everywhere. A dull pervasive ache that spread across his body, accentuated by every breath he took. He tried to open his eyes, but found himself incapable. It hurt. Everything hurt. But there was something else there, beyond the pain. A steady, warm pressure against his arm. It called to him through the darkness. He followed where it led…  
Sleep had overtaken Jyn. Her head was propped on the bed, her body in the same position it had held for hours. K-2SO noted that, due to human physiology, she would likely suffer stiffness and pain when she woke up. It would not be unreasonable to assume that she had already been experiencing soreness prior to falling asleep. She had maintained the same position for quite some time. K-2 had not been keeping track, but he estimated the amount of time to be equivalent to seven standard hours.

While they had not made a formal agreement to take shifts while watching over Cassian, they had fallen into the practice of ensuring that at least one of them was ready for him to wake at all times. K-2 could recall Cassian getting injured several times in the past, but nothing quite as severe as this. Still, the Captain had always managed to defy odds before. It would be unsurprising if he were to do so once more. Kay knew the odds of a full recovery, however, and his programming was not equipped to give him a sense of hope.  
Cassian focused on his arm and, bit by bit, the world around him pried its way into his consciousness. The smell of bacta, the hum of equipment, and the firm mattress beneath his back. His eyes, so heavy, finally obeyed his command to open.

“Welcome back, Captain Andor,” the modulated tone of a droid greeted him. “Tell me, do you recognize where you are?”  
He clenched his eyes closed, shutting out the blinding light around him.

“Captain Cassian Andor, Rebel Intelligence. Please confirm you can hear me.”

“Cassian?”

_Another droid. This one sounded different. Familiar, almost…_

He opened his lips to speak, but the words would not come. He felt the mattress shift slightly, as though something was lifted from it. The pressure on his arm increased—he recognized the feel of a hand gripping him. Someone was there.

His eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the bright lights. The world looked blurry, out of focus. He turned his head towards the person clutching him, hoping for a familiar face. After blinking a few times, the shape before him became more defined. What he saw was a dark-haired woman, scars lining one side of her face. Her green eyes were full of trepidation, concern, and something resembling relief.

“You are awake,” she breathed, body moving forward unconsciously.

“Captain Cassian Andor,” the first droid repeated. “Please confirm.”

“Yes?” he rasped, more a question than a reply. He looked back at the woman. “Who are you?”


	2. The Pain of the Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian adjusts to finding himself in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers. Jyn struggles with his amnesia. Kay just exists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not an accurate representation of amnesia

His name was Cassian. He knew that much. He even thought he knew the Imperial droid in the corner. But the woman with the green eyes—he had no recollection of her. By the shock on her face, he felt they must know one another. Quite well, if the way she had been gripping his arm was any indication.

“Captain Cassian Andor, what is the last thing you remember?” asked the medical droid, closer know than it had been before. It began scanning him carefully, logging the data in its memory banks.

_I am a Captain? Of what?_

“What happened?”

“Captain Andor, please answer the question.”

He licked his lips. His throat felt dry and rough. He wracked his brain for memories. He remembered the droid. They had been in a ship. He remembered shooting someone. No, not just one person. 

He remembered being shot.

He remembered heat and sand and brightness.

He remembered a cold planet, a woman—his mom—smoothing his hair back from his forehead and whispering to him that everything would be alright…

“I am Cassian Andor.” The words were halting, raspy things forced through his lips.

“What else do you remember?” asked the tall black droid, the one standing behind the woman.

“Only pieces.” 

Cassian closed his eyes again, trying to calm his growing anxiety.

The pressure on his arm disappeared. Snapping his eyes open, he looked for the woman. She had turned and was heading towards the door.  
Part of him wanted to call out to her, to ask her how she knew him. But the side of him that just wanted to be left in peace won out.

“Can I be left alone?” he asked the two droids in his room.

“Cassian?” The tall one took a step closer towards him.

“Please.” The whisper was quiet, almost indiscernible.

The medical droid stayed for a few minutes longer, finishing gathering data.

 

Jyn’s blood had run cold the moment the words had left his lips. 

_“Who are you?”_

She shouldn’t be surprised—being thrown across the ship had knocked him out cold. He had already been so fragile, the damage of his fall and the Death Star blast had broken him almost beyond repair. But against all odds, they had made it out. She felt so foolish for believing things would work out for them when they got back to base.

She pulled her coat tightly around her, cursing Hoth’s frigid atmosphere. Behind her, she could hear the clunking footsteps of Kay rushing to catch up.

“Amnesia is known to resolve itself with time,” he said plainly. He fell into step beside her. “You have not known him long. It is not surprising that he does not remember you.”

A pause.

“I wonder if he remembers me?”

Jyn did not have an answer for him. Even if she had one, she wouldn’t trust herself to speak. The list of people lost to her kept growing. Knowing that Cassian would likely remember her sooner or later did not ease the ache she felt in that moment.

Kay stayed with her, sharing in her silence. Jyn had no idea what kind of thoughts a droid might have about the situation. She was not about to ask, either. Not now, anyway. Right now, she just wanted to sleep. 

“Why aren’t you still with him?”

“He wanted to be alone.”

Kay powered down in her quarters that night.

 

The next morning, Jyn was puzzling out whether or not she should pay Cassian a visit. It was Kay that decided the matter for her.

“The more he is around stimuli that could induce cognitive recall, the better his chances at recovery are. He may not recognize you now, but our presence could trigger buried memories to resurface.”

“Maybe it is a good thing he doesn’t remember,” Jyn said, her voice a quiet growl. She hated the thought, but the pain of loss was one she wished she could be rid of. If she could wash away the memories, would she?

No. For a moment, she had been a part of something bigger for herself.

All of the pain, all of the heartache…

It was all connected to the roll she saved in destroying the planet killer, correcting her father’s mistake.

“You don’t mean that,” was all Kay said in response. She supposed he would know something of that. This version of Kay had no recollection of what happened outside the data vault. The original Kay had uploaded his programming to the Imperial Droid he had scanned. Kay 2.0 had been the one to save them. Jyn had told him what she could while they watched over Cassian in the Med Bay. He was just as infuriating as his predecessor, but she had developed a certain fondness for him. There was now trust, where before there was none. 

In the end, she followed the droid’s direction. They walked to the med bay after Jyn finished her unappetizing breakfast. Cassian’s room was dim, but he was not alone. Hunched and murmuring in a chair by his   
bedside was General Dravin. He froze and sat up as she entered the room.

“Erso.” His tone was curt. The green glow of the medical equipment and monitors gave his face an unhealthy hue as he sized her up. 

“General.” She matched his tone, stopping at the edge of Cassian’s bed.

Cassian, looking significantly more alert than he had yesterday, glanced between the two of them. His dark eyes seemed to absorb as much as ever, his mind carefully taking note of what he observed. 

The General paused a moment, then stood. 

“We will continue this later.”

The tension in Jyn’s shoulders decreased significantly when he left. She did not dislike the General completely. She, to some degree, respected him. On some level, he respected her, too. He knew what she could accomplish, but resented her refusal to formally join the Alliance.

“You are Erso?” Cassian finally asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room.

Jyn clenched and unclenched her hand by her side, trying to push the ache away.

“Jyn. Jyn Erso.”

“You know me?”

She nodded, her face a mask. Cassian struggled to sit up, grimacing as he pulled his still healing body into position. Jyn resisted the urge to go to him, to help him. 

He shifted his attention to the droid.

“I think I remember you.”

“I am K-2SO. You tend to refer to me as Kay.”

“Kay,” Cassian tested the name out on his tongue. “You are an Imperial Droid.” He did not hide his confusion.

“Yes. You reprogrammed me. Or rather, you reprogrammed my predecessor. I was reprogrammed by the original K-2SO, who has since been destroyed.” Kay moved to stand beside Cassian’s bed. “I have extensive memory banks and have been gathering data on you for quite some time. Is there anything you would like to know?”

“How did I end up here?”


	3. Stories of What Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Jyn tell Cassian of life before his memory loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know this is not how amnesia works.  
> I just really love this trope.  
> And soft angst.  
> Gotta have me that soft angst.

“And then, my predecessor was destroyed while sealing the data vault. Meanwhile, I was in the process of acquiring a ride off Scarif. Jyn informed me that you suffered a fall in the vault, but has not disclosed specific details to me. By the time I found the two of you, you were embracing one another on the beach. I landed the Imperial Shuttle, which you then boarded, and flew us off Scarif. The ship was nearly torn apart and you sustained further injuries during our escape.”

Cassian’s eyes flicked towards Jyn. She kept a careful distance this time, choosing to lean against a wall rather than sit beside his bed. Her face was neutral, though a slight blush had begun to creep up her neck at the use of the word “embracing”. 

“Did anyone else from Rogue One escape?” he asked her.

“No.” It was the droid who answered. Jyn’s jaw clenched and she refused to meet Cassian’s eyes.

“We were partners, then?” he addressed her again.

“Of a sort.” Her voice gave nothing away. Kay had glossed over most of the tale, focusing specifically on Scarif. The original Kay had not been by Cassian’s side throughout much of Jedha or with him on Eadu. The gaps in his memory banks prevented him from describing much beyond a cursory outline.

The word “embracing” had caught Cassian’s notice and Jyn’s response only furthered his suspicions. What kind of partners had they been, exactly? The events of the previous day were fuzzy in his head, but he could not stop picturing the way her green eyes had studied him, the quickly hidden pain when he asked who she was.

“Do you remember any of what I just told you?” the droid asked.

Cassian closed his eyes, pressing his head against his pillow.

“No.”

“What else don’t I remember?”

Jyn stayed silent, letting Kay tell tales of their adventures before her. She considered leaving, but could not resist the opportunity to learn more. There was so little she knew about the man she had nearly died beside, the man she refused to leave while his broken body healed. The man she had embraced on a beach, thinking his body against hers was going to be the last thing she would ever feel…

The memory of that beach distracted her for a moment. She clenched her eyes closed against the heat, the wind, the pain. 

Cassian watched Jyn straighten abruptly. Without a word or even a glance in his direction, she walked out of the room. Kay did not seem to notice and continued sharing memories that Cassian could not remember. 

He struggled to bring his attention back to the droid. Kay was very factual in how he recounted their shared experiences. There were no details to help bring forth mental images. He would have to try asking Jyn for more details later. The droid said that he had not known the woman for very long, but the droid had also said he had—directly and indirectly—defied orders to help her. Cassian could not help but wonder about the things the droid left unsaid.

 

Once free of the room, Jyn felt she could breathe easier. Running a gloved hand over her face, she leaned against a wall for support.

“He remembers very little, doesn’t he?” 

Jyn jumped a little at the sound of the princess’s voice.

“His body is recovering quickly, but the droids say it is impossible to know when his memory will return.”

Jyn kept her face carefully blank as the other woman spoke. Princess Leia seemed to be searching her face for something. Whatever she was looking for, Jyn was determined not to give anything away.

“We will give him two more weeks here on Hoth. After that point, we will move him to a new location to finish his recovery.”

“Kay says that it is important for him to be around things he may find familiar. To help him remember,” she said. Jyn’s voice was as devoid of emotion as she could make it, but there was a hint of need that crept its way into her tone.

Leia offered a small, knowing smile. “Yes, I had heard as much.”

Turning on her heel, the Princess left the way she came. Jyn watched her leave with a tight chest.

 

Kay spent the rest of the day with Cassian, who drifted between gratefulness and annoyance at the droid’s presence. He suspected it was a normal reaction to have towards K-2SO.

He was already having trouble remembering everything the droid had told him. After several hours, Kay finally paused. Perhaps that was not a bad thing. From what the droid had told him, Cassian suspected he was not a good man.

“You appear tired. I shall power down and let you rest.”

In the silence that followed, Cassian’s thoughts drifted to Jyn. He tried and tried to remember her, to picture them doing the things Kay had described. He preferred to try remembering his time with her than to dwell on the things the droid had said Cassian had done. He so consumed with trying to remember that he failed to notice her slip into his room.

His eyes were closed. Jyn froze, not wanting to wake him. He still looked so frail compared to what he had been when she first met him. Shoving aside the image of who he had been, she stepped quietly towards the chair Draven had been sitting in earlier that day. It creaked lightly under her weight. 

Cassian’s head whipped towards her, expression alert. Jyn muttered an apology as the man leaned back into his pillows, studying her with those same eyes that had studied her time and time again.

“You came back.”

“Kay says it is good for you to be around familiar things,” she spoke plainly, but hesitated before adding, “and I have spent so much time here that I really don’t know where else to go.”

Cassian was not entirely sure how to respond to that. It was the most she had said to him since he woke up and he found himself craving more of her voice. A minute or two passed before he finally spoke.

“I am sorry I don’t remember.”

“You can’t help it.”

Another pause.

“You remember, though.”

“Kay knows more about your life than I do.” Jyn felt a small bite of sorrow at just how much she did not know. 

“I want to know more about Jedha and Scarif.”

Jyn could not stop the sigh that left her lips. “Maybe some things are better off forgotten.”

“Jyn?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I… Was I a good person?”

Her breath caught in her throat. How could Cassian know that he had stumbled right into an insecurity she had long held about herself? The pain in her chest threatened to spill out, flooding her eyes. In the bed lie a broken man, his past sins recounted to him through the dispassionate view of a droid. She wanted to take his hand in hers, to draw him close and comfort him.

Instead, she said, “You did what you had to. You fought for hope.”

He deflated a bit at her answer. 

In a softer voice, she added, “You saved entire worlds, Cassian Andor. If that does not make you a good person, I do not know what does.”

And she spent the rest of the night describing to him exactly how he had saved the rebellion.


	4. Fraying Threads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian struggles with his regimented recovery program.
> 
> Jyn and Kay struggle with Cassian's regimented recovery program.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot Driving Angst

Cassian let her words flood over him. He let himself ask questions, squeezing every last detail out of Jyn. Speaking this much felt unnatural to her, but she did it for him. The longer she spoke, the easier talking became. Cassian’s curiosity prompted her to be more descriptive with her retelling than she knew how to be.

Telling her story—their story—was painful. Knowing that he did not remember a word of it, that he needed her to voice the things she longed to bury, hurt. But it was also a relief to talk about it. To describe Bodhi’s bravery, the way he sought redemption. She could not help but smile a bit when she described Baze and Chirrut, their quips and banter, how they fought for their cause with no prompting, with no second thought.

He did not remember, but she did. She remembered for him.

 

The next week was a blur for Cassian. Medical tests and physical training. He felt lost in the schedule that others set for him. General Draven ensured there was hardly a free second for Cassian to spend by himself. He caught only fleeting moments with Jyn and Kay in the chaos of people and droids attempting to facilitate a quicker recovery.

He found some things came back to him with ease—how to clean and fire a blaster, how to pilot a ship, operate a datapad… Cassian even remembered how to reprogram a droid. He just couldn’t remember how he learned to do those things.

He would get flashes sometimes, but they were jumbled and made little sense. _Blinding light, the feel of the earth trembling beneath his feet. A frosty planet and a woman’s smile. A man placing a blaster in his hand, so much smaller than it is now, and telling him to shoot. One city after another, each blurring into the next…_

Cassian was not sure he wanted to remember it all. But he did want to remember her.

Jyn.

The woman with the green eyes that always said so much more than words ever could.

_We were partners then?_

_Of a sort._

 

Jyn hardly knew what to do with herself now that Cassian was awake. While he was getting passed around from med droid to trainer to General Draven and back, she found herself drifting around the base. Not officially part of the rebellion, she was barely tolerated by those in charge. Even Mon Mothma was getting impatient for her to decide whether she would stay with the Rebellion or go.   
They had allowed her to remain with the Alliance while Cassian remained unconscious, but soon she would have to make a choice. Either officially join, or accept the original offer of freedom. Jyn was in the middle of an intense internal debate when Kay found her, sprawled upside-down on her bed.

“What are you doing here?”

“They are keeping Cassian busy again. I tried to explain to them that my presence would help, but they would not listen.” The droid stood awkwardly beside her bed, staring down at her.

“Are you surprised?”

“It is hard to surprise me. I calculated the possibility of the outcome in advance, but reasoned that it would be far more likely for Cassian’s recovery team to work to his best interests.”

“I am sure they are, Kay. We just aren’t considered to be very beneficial.”

“I fail to see how that conclusion can be drawn. I have been by his side for years. I am familiar to him.”

_Not me, though. I am nothing more than a black stain on his record._ Jyn could not keep the thought from pushing its way into her head.

“Come on, Kay. Let’s eat. I’m hungry.”

“I do not eat.” But he followed anyway. 

 

They were finally letting him eat in the cafeteria. Cassian had grown fed up with the constant monitoring, but they were finally letting him eat in the cafeteria. It had taken quite a bit of cajoling to earn this tiny bit of freedom, but he was content. His memory may still fail him, but he was gaining some semblance of independence. The aches in his body were fading and he was regaining his strength.

There was only one thing he had not considered.

Where he would sit.

Men and women in orange flight suits filled his vision, grouped at tables, eating and talking casually with one another.

He searched the cafeteria for a familiar face, the one face he knew he could recognize.

He did not see her.

Heart sinking in his chest, he turned with his tray in hand to return to his new living quarters. He would eat dinner alone again, after all.

 

Kay watched Jyn shove the food around her tray. He had observed her doing much the same during the other occasions he had accompanied her to the cafeteria. She did not speak to him much. Kay preferred it. She was far more pleasant with her mouth shut, though he had to admit she seemed to appreciate his company more than she had in the past. And he had come to enjoy hers, in his own way. He had at least began going through the trouble of accumulating data to better predict her actions.

“Jyn, I have heard some concerning news.”

She looked up at the droid, waiting for him to speak.

“They may be sending Cassian away.”

Jyn’s eyes returned to her tray, spooning mush into her mouth so she wouldn’t have to speak right away.

“Yeah. I know.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” 

 

The food was mush. Cassian hated how it felt in his mouth. He hated the plain walls and the scratchy blanket on his bed. He hated how much he felt like a child. He hated that he did not know anybody, that he did not know himself. He hated that he did not remember Kay. He hated that he did not remember Jyn.

Angry, frustrated tears sprang to his eyes. He fought them down, trying to distract himself with the contents of his tray.

A hot bubble rose up in his chest, threatening to spill over. Before he was fully aware of his actions, his tray crashed against a wall and clattered to the floor. Food splattered, decorating the sparse room with clumps of pulp.

Cassian’s body shuddered as he buried his head in his hands and wept.


	5. Caught in the Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Jyn try to be there for Cassian. Draven is dissatisfied with his progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly less angst than chapter 4.
> 
>  
> 
> I would love to thank all of you for taking time to read this and extend a big shout out to everybody who has been leaving kudos and such supportive comments. You all mean so much to me.

The knock was so soft, Cassian wasn’t sure he heard it at first.

“Are you sure this is the right room?” a muffled voice asked.

“I am offended that you feel the need to ask that. Of course, I am sure.”

Cassian froze, his heart beating faster, face frozen in disbelief. The knocking resumed, louder this time.

“Can you open it, Kay?”

“You want to violate Cassian’s privacy.”

“Well, he isn’t answering.”

Cassian’s eyes flicked over to the mess of food against the opposite wall. Scrambling to his feet, he rushed towards the door.

A soft whoosh, then light from the hall suddenly filled his small quarters.

He froze, a flick of shame rushing over him. In the doorway, Jyn and Kay stood. Eyes wide, she stared at him, taking in his disheveled appearance, the red puffiness around his eyes. She glanced back at Kay before her eyes found the mess. 

Without a word and most definitely without invitation, she walked into his room. Her face was unreadable as she bent to pick up a tray.

“Kay, can you grab me a rag or something?”

Unsure of what else to do, Cassian sat back down on his bed. He watched as Jyn quickly and efficiently cleaned the mess. Kay remained silent, studying Cassian while Jyn cleaned. When she finished, he took the tray from her and walked out the door.

Without looking at him, she joined him on his bed. “We heard you made an appearance in the Caf. We must have just missed you.” She kept her gaze ahead, voice even. Cassian didn’t trust himself to speak.

A long silence fell over the room. 

Jyn pursed her lips. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” We weren’t supposed to live, but we did. You weren’t supposed to forget. But you did.

“What was it supposed to be like?” his words felt so small and heavy, his tongue tripping over them. He felt so small. He hated how much need he felt.

He felt her shrug next to him.

“I wish I knew.”

 

Kay and Jyn made a point to track Cassian down several times a day after that. Sometimes they were only capable of catching him in the hallway as Draven shuffled him from training to treatment to medical tests. He was annoyingly hands-on in the process. Most of it was centered around Cassian’s physical recovery, though the General was keen to have Cassian regain his memory.

Even so, he could not abide having the criminal too close. She may be familiar to him, but Draven was more so. Besides, Cassian had let himself get distracted by her before. The rebellion needed spies like Andor to be as uncompromised as possible. His affection for that damnable droid had been bad enough, but Erso was a problem from the moment she was brought to Yavin IV. She was strong, he would give her that. And determined (when she wanted to be). She would make a valuable asset, but right now, she was little more than a liability.

He watched, arms folded across his chest, as Captain Cassian Andor went through his daily stretches under the close supervision of a medical droid.

The sooner Andor remembered his role in this rebellion, the better. Time was running out—if he could not make a breakthrough in a few more days, Andor would be placed on some outer rim planet until he was once again useful to the Alliance. Resources on Hoth were scarce enough as it was. They couldn’t afford to keep him here. They would have to send the girl away, too. She had long overstayed her welcome, in his opinion. She may have procured the Death Star plans, but that would only get her so much courtesy. 

 

Kay was not sure when he had decided to trust Jyn Erso. He knew his predecessor had distrusted her—his memories had ended where this K-2SO’s had begun. With Jyn leading everyone into danger. But there was a desperation to their actions. She had been willing to throw away her life—and everyone else’s—for a cause she was brought into against her will. This Kay did not see what happened to his predecessor, did not know his last moments. But Jyn seemed softer towards this version of him. He cataloged fewer instances of perceptible sarcasm. 

Perhaps it was only due to her concern for Cassian. He also read signs of shame in her. Then again, Kay was not a protocol droid. His programming was directed towards predicting the statistical probabilities for a wide variety of outcomes. Not for understanding Jyn Erso. 

He could not prevent himself from collecting the data, though. She displayed an amount of loyalty he had not previously anticipated her capable of showing. And all of that loyalty was directed towards Captain Cassian Andor.

_They are sending me away._

He fought to keep his face neutral. It was easier than he had though. _The did say I had been a spy._

_Esto no es justo._ The words from what he knew to be his mother tongue came unbidden to his mind. _This is not fair._

He took a breath, stilling his emotions. He wished he could pack them away. Had he always been this emotional over everything? 

He stared dispassionately at the General standing before him, explaining how his physical recovery was satisfactory enough for him to finish recuperating at an undisclosed location.

“We will send your droid with you, of course. He will monitor your progress and send the data back to us. We are uploading him with the basic medical protocols he will be expected to follow. The planet you will be on will has a low population density. You will be living in a rural area. K-2SO already knows he is to stay relatively hidden. An Imperial droid may rouse suspicion, but there are plenty of scavengers in the area that have salvaged, reused, and reprogrammed a wide variety of droids. We will set you up with a false identity, purely as a precaution.”

The General paused, glancing over at Princess Leia.

“We may also be sending an agent to the planet with you. The agent will have duties beyond monitoring your care and progress, but will be available as a resource.”

Cassian perked upon hearing this, but quickly fought to keep his hope hidden.

“Jyn?” He tried to keep his voice even.

“Jyn Erso is not a part of the Alliance.”

Leia had watched the exchange with quiet interest and found herself formulating the beginnings of a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if this chapter was not as good as the others. Work and my personal life have had me a bit distracted the past few days, and the stress definitely has impacted my writing.
> 
> Feedback of any sort is always welcome. Tell me what you liked, tell me what you didn't like. I want to hear it all! You all are so brilliant and beautiful.


	6. Commitments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian is being sent away and Jyn is left to make a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for taking the time to read this! I hope it is still something that is enjoyable and not getting dull.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave comments and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, etc.

If there was one thing Jyn was entirely unprepared for, it was the Princess knocking on her door in the middle of the night cycle.

“You need to make a decision and you need to make it now,” Leia announced without preamble, inviting herself into the cramped quarters.

Jyn tried to shake the sleep from her brain as she moved out of the Princess’s way. Pulling a blanket tight around her against the cold, she did not bother to hide her confusion.

“What are you talking about? Your… highness?” 

“Leia is fine.” The princess turned to face Jyn. “You need to make a decision now, before it is too late. Cassian is leaving.”

Every muscle in Jyn’s body stiffened.

“When?”

“At 0900.”

“He just needs more time.”

“I know. That is why we are sending him somewhere safe.”

“I am going with.” Jyn turned, disregarding the blanket. She stooped down and pulled on her discarded clothing from the day before.

“You can’t.”

“What?” Jyn wheeled around, facing the princess. Her pants were unbuttoned and she only had tugged on one boot. “What do you mean I can’t go?”

“Cassian will be accompanied by K-2SO, who will monitor his progress. We are considering sending another agent with to act as a resource and to carry out tasks for the Alliance at the ground level. But you, Jyn Erso, are not part of the Alliance.” The princess offered her a small smile. “But you could be.”

A huff of air left her lungs, a quick cloud in the cold air.

“You have already fought for us before. You believe in the cause. The decision must be made.”

Words began to bubble to the surface. Hot, angry words. 

_So I can be used? Betrayed? Left behind?_

“Why should I join? I don’t need the Alliance.” Jyn forced herself to meet the other woman’s eyes.

“The Alliance needs you.” Leia said, her voice quiet and strong. “And though you deny it, you need the Alliance as well.”

“I won’t follow orders.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to.”

 

She would never admit it, but watching Jyn and Cassian had given Leia hope. She had been told of their role in destroying the Death Star. She read the reports, knew what had happened on Scarif. She had read Captain Andor’s files, reviewed what the Alliance knew about Jyn Erso.

Leia would never describe herself as a romantic.

But when she first saw Jyn on Yavin IV, fighting to stay in the med bay after her own wounds had healed, her heart began to ache. The woman had been ready to fight her way through her own allies to Cassian’s side. She kept a close eye on the pair after that.

This war had taken so much from so many people. For once, Leia wanted to feel like the war could give. It tore people apart, but it also brought people together.

It had brought them together. And Princess Leia Organa was not about to let Captain Cassian Jeron Andor and Jyn Erso be parted, not when she could help it.

Mentally preparing herself for the inevitable argument with General Draven, Leia left the newly appointed Sergeant Erso to prepare for the journey.

 

Draven handed Cassian Andor a datapad. “You will be living under the alias Cass Nadon. The ship will deliver you and the droid to your recovery site. This will tell you what you need to know. If you have questions, your droid has been provided with the necessary programming and data.”

“General Draven.” The Princess walked towards the pair. “I take it Captain Andor is nearly ready for departure?”

“Affirmative.” He turned away from Cassian and addressed the Princess in low tones. “You told me you would find an agent for this mission. Where is he?”

“Right here,” Sergeant Jyn Erso said, stepping around a stack of crates.

The General fought hard to keep the look of shock from his face. “Erso, you are not authorized for this mission.”

“Actually, I am.”

With great effort, General Draven schooled his features into an expression of nonchalance. “Very well. Have you been debriefed?”

Jyn waved a datapad in the air. “Yeah.”

 

The moment Jyn had emerged and made her grand announcement, Cassian froze. Kay was unsurprised. He had calculated very high odds for this outcome when he had been debriefed and was undergoing program updates.

“Well, I am glad people are finally taking my advice. I did suggest familiarity would be beneficial for Cassian’s recovery.” The droid’s tone was as smug as the tone of a droid could be.

“If everything is all sorted here, the ship looks ready to take off,” Leia said. “Captain Andor, I hope we will be seeing you again soon.” The Princess gave Jyn a significant look and the Sergeant gave a small nod in return.

Cassian cleared his throat and nodded in acknowledgement, unsure of whether or not he should say anything. Before he could consider opening his mouth, Jyn’s hand was on his arm, tugging him towards the ship. K-2SO fell into step behind them, feet clanging against the metal ramp.

“Is everyone ready to go?” called the pilot.

“Affirmative,” said Kay, finding a seat.

“Excellent. I am Shara and I will be your pilot. Have a seat and get ready for lift off.” She muttered something to an old RX series pilot droid before talking into her com, announcing their departure.

Cassian tried to form the words he wanted to say as the ship shuddered through atmo into space, but he found all he could do was watch the strange woman beside him as she read through her datapad. She did not seem to notice—or care—that he was blatantly stared at her. Eventually, he managed to find his voice.

“I though only Alliance agents were cleared for this.”

“It’s a good thing I am an Alliance agent then.”

 

“I do not like this,” Draven muttered to the Princess as they watched the ship take off. “She is unpredictable and likely to compromise Captain Andor.”

“Maybe you are right. Maybe keeping them together is a bad idea. But the two of them—they may be unorthodox, but they get results.” The Princess kept her tone professional, biting back the rest of what she wanted to say. “If anybody can help Captain Andor remember, I believe it to be Sergeant Erso.”

“You made her a Sergeant?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt the Alliance would set Cassian up with an entirely new alias for his recovery, one that is close enough to his name that he should remember it a little easier. The other reason was that his other identities had already been established and the Rebellion did not want to risk compromising one of those.


	7. A Slice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian begin to settle into life in a new place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out surprisingly domestic. 
> 
> The planet they find themselves on is one that was one that was created with the aid of [ this site. ](https://donjon.bin.sh/scifi/world/) I am not familiar enough with the extended universe to pick an already existing planet from the Star Wars universe.

Like many Rebel pilots, Shara Brey was a talker. But not an obnoxious one. She was witty and she could read a situation.

“I will be dropping you near a small colony. Population on Dagon III is small and the economy is centered around mining. Iron, mostly. The outpost is where you will get most of your supplies. Were you debriefed on who to contact?”

“Yeah.” Leia’s rushed debrief came back to Jyn.

_“You will report to Reda Vish. Looking out for Cassian is his droid’s job,” Leia said, handing Jyn a datapad. “You are to act as an additional resource for Captain Andor, but your primary duty is towards the Rebellion. You will be expected to complete other objectives on planet, which will be relayed to you by Vish.”_

“Reda Vish is difficult, but trustworthy.”

“Difficult how?”

Shara just smirked. “You’ll see. His years on Dagon III have not been kind. I hope you brought warm clothes. It’s gonna get cold.”

Jyn stifled a groan. Hoth was bad enough.

“Cassian is accustomed to the cold,” Kay piped up. “He is from Fest.”

“That does not mean I like it,” Cassian murmured, drawing a blue coat tighter around his shoulders. 

_White valleys, biting wind. Snow stained red with blood…_ Fragmented scenes came unbidden to Cassian’s mind. _A woman, clutching him tight to her chest. Soldiers in white, blinding against the snow…_

“Perhaps the familiarity of a cold climate will help.” Kay looked over towards Cassian. 

Cassian offered the droid a small, half-hearted smile.

 

The pilot was right. Dagon III was cold. The plant-life was limited to shrubs, moss, and grasses. Jyn’s boots crunched against the frost-covered ground. The shack was small and low, isolated from the local community. There was a small greenhouse attached to the side. In the light of the setting sun, she could make out the green foliage of something growing inside.  
Jyn wrapped her scarf tighter around her face. There was no snow on the ground, but the cold air bit at her cheeks. Kay led the way to the shack with the loping gait that Jyn had become increasingly familiar with.

_“Did you know that wasn’t me?”_ he had once asked her, on Jedha after she shot an Imperial droid. Her response then had been a lie, but now she knew it would be impossible not to recognize his long strides. Even with this new chassis, he retained that walk. Jyn fought the instinct to draw her blaster and search the perimeter. Scans from the ship had already shown no lifeforms in the vicinity. 

A flick of a switch revealed the spartan interior of the cabin. Jyn and Cassian took in their living accommodations in silence. One bathroom (sonic), a small kitchen, and two bedrooms. 

 

Cassian looked around. He could not be positive, but he was sure he had lived in worse. A growling in his stomach drove him to investigate the kitchen. Not much to work with, but it had been stocked with the basics. He glanced back to where Kay was powering down in a corner. Jyn had already found her way to one of the rooms.

Shrugging to himself, he set to work. Keeping his hands busy kept his mind from turning to his present situation, a situation he would rather not think about. 

He drove every thought out of his mind as he worked the dough along the counter. There were some fresh-ish looking berries that would taste perfect in a pie. He was not sure what exactly they were, but they tasted sweet enough and had a very distinctive tang. He began to sing softly to himself as he mixed the filling. There weren’t many seasonings, but there was no shortage of sugar. The song was a love song. It was funny, he could remember every word, but he had no recollection of _how he knew the song._

“Te amo y más…”

A dash of spice.

“De lo que puedes imaginar…”

He took a quick taste. _More sugar._

“Te amo además…”

He poured the filling into the crust.

“Como nunca nadie jamás lo hará…”

Now for the fun part

“En esta canión…”

Carefully, he rolled the top crust onto the cup he had used as an improvised rolling pin.

“Va mí corazón…”

_Perfect._

“Amor más que amore s el nuestro…”

Using a fork, he pressed the crust closed.

“Y te lo vengo a dar….”

Gently, Cassian cut evenly spaced slits into the top.

“Te miro y más…”

“What are you doing?”

Cassian nearly jumped at the sound of Jyn’s voice. “Jyn.”

“Kestrel,” she corrected. “You need to get used to calling me Kestrel.”

“Kestrel,” he repeated, feeling the unfamiliar shape of the alias in his mouth.

She gave a curt nod. “So? What are you doing?”

“Baking?”

Jyn— _Kestrel,_ Cassian reminded himself—quelled the urged to roll her eyes. “I see that. What are you baking.”

“A pie. The berries looked like they would spoil if I didn’t do something with them.” He tried to think of something else to say, some way to tell her what he was thinking.

_I know what you did. I know you joined the Rebellion for me._ The thought brought a swell of something in his chest, the same something he felt when her eyes searched his the moment he woke up. The same something he had felt when she cleaned up the mushy meal he had thrown against a wall. But, in that moment, his words failed him. All he could do was watch her, study her as she walked over to peek inside the oven.

“Looks good. How long until it is ready?”

“About 40 minutes? Hard to say.”

 

She had heard him banging around in the kitchen, but didn’t think to investigate until she heard the singing. It drew her, spellbound, to her doorway. A siren song leading her into the unknown.

Then there he was, so oblivious to her presence as he sang and worked. Oblivious to the heaviness Jyn felt inside her when she heard him sing, his voice rough and sweet. She did not want the song to end, but her reaction to it… That scared her. 

So she interrupted, asking a question she already knew the answer to. 

Jyn and Cassian waited together as the pie baked. 

“You… you were not really with the Alliance before. Draven said.” It was a statement, but in it lay a question. 

“No. Leia approached me to make it official shortly before we left.” Jyn’s throat constricted as she forced the answer out, knowing he deserved the answer but hating what it insinuated.

Cassian hesitated, trying to find the right words. “What changed? What made you sign on?”

_You did._ “What else would I do?” she responded, trying to shrug off the question. What else would she have done, after all? Joining was just a formality. She was already in the fight. She had been in the fight from the moment Saw took her out of that hole in the ground. Her abandonment drove her away from the fight, but it always seemed to find her. There was no running from it—she belonged in the fight, and she would much rather go through it with Cassian by her side. “That song you were singing—what is it?”

“Ah, some love song.” There it was again—that something in his chest. “I should check on the pie.”

 

“This is amazing,” Jyn somehow managed between bites. 

Cassian watched her shovel forkful after forkful into her mouth. His mouth quirked a small smile at her praise, at the eagerness with which she practically inhaled her slice. “Thanks. I am glad you like it.”

They fell into a comfortable silence. Neither could remember the last homecooked dessert they had eaten. Once their plates were practically licked clean, Jyn dried the dishes that Cassian washed.

“Goodnight,” Jyn said after the last dish was put away. She was too tired and too confused to try and make small-talk. She was never good at conversation, anyway.

Cassian nodded in response, making his way to the room that would be his. “Goodnight, Jyn.”

“Kestrel,” she corrected.

“Ah, yes. Well, Kestrel,” he amended, tone light, “goodnight and welcome home.”

Throat suddenly tight, Jyn whispered back in a small voice. “Welcome home, Cassian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just ate an amazing slice of pie (which is like my all-time favorite dessert), so of course I had to make Cassian bake pie. And _of course_ I had to have him sing a song from The Book of Life.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not the only amnesia fic for Rogue One out there. I am aware of only one other one--Tale as Old as Time by thebluemartini, which is a Beauty and the Beast AU. If you like this fic, you may want to check it out.


End file.
